7 of the Funniest Massage Moments of My Career

Goodbye to 2024 and Hello to 2025

My only resolution for 2025 is to laugh more.

Last week, a massage client asked me to share the funniest thing that has ever happened while giving a massage. So in an effort to welcome in 2025 with more laughter and fun, I thought I’d share with all of you some of the funniest things that have happened during my 18 year career as a Massage Therapist.  (Warning, a few of you may recognize the stories)

1. Aromatherapy

When giving a Thai Yoga Massage, the Massage Therapist ends up in some awkward postures while trying to stretch the client.  One day I was moving a client into a supported backbend stretch while both the client and I were seated. As I lifted the client's arms and moved them into a backbend supported by my feet, I leaned backwards over a candle and my hair caught fire. Yes, ponytail on fire.  Faster than usual, I moved my client back to upright and then into a forward fold with my feet all the while slapping at my hair behind my back to put out the flames.  Nothing quite like the smell of burned hair for some unique aromatherapy. The client either didn’t notice or was too kind (or perhaps unsure about the origin of the odor) to mention anything. And this is why my hair is now always in a bun during our sessions.

2. Slithering

The old Tierra Verde massage office was basically just one long hallway we used as both reception and administrative area with 4 doors opening off it - 3 treatment rooms and a bathroom.  I used to see a client who was a single parent and would bring her 5-6 year old kid to the massages when she couldn’t find a sitter.  The kiddo was always impeccably well behaved; he’d sit in the chair and play his video games the entire session. One day I’d stepped out after completing the massage to let the client dress when I heard a lot of frantic talking in the treatment room.  A few minutes went by, then a very worried mom popped her head out and whispered ‘he lost his snake in there’.  Wait! What?  Turns out the kiddo had a habit of taking his pet pocket snake places with him, and the snake had somehow gotten out of the kiddo’s pocket and now was nowhere to be found.  Of course the office was full at that time so screaming wasn’t an option. All the other treatment rooms were in use, there were several clients waiting in the hall for upcoming appointments, and we had a snake on the loose.  Trying not to cause alarm, I asked mom and kiddo to stay in the treatment room to look for the snake there while I nonchalantly wandered thru the office peeking behind things, trying not to freak out, or alert the clients waiting that there was a problem. Luckily, Mom found the snake under the trash can. 

3. POP

During one of my fitness kicks, I started using a balance ball or Swiss ball for sitting while massaging necks, heads and feet.  In addition to taking up more space than a traditional stool, I learned the hard way a balance ball may not be well suited for use during a massage. One day mid massage the balance ball I was sitting on while working under my client’s shoulders unexpectedly and loudly popped, then hissed loudly while deflating. I fell to the ground, but not before giving my client two good punches, one on the neck and one to the ear while trying to catch my fall.  I now stick with traditional stools. All ended well though, that client laughed and forgave me, and still sees me for massage to this day.

4. Room Service

I’d been contracted to provide in-room massages during a yoga retreat held at a hotel.  The layout of the rooms was such that the only way the table fit was with the foot of the massage table just a few feet from the hall door.  We were about 50 minutes into a 60 minute relaxing massage with the client lying face up and completely in 'the zone'.  Suddenly there was an authoritative knock on the door.  The client said “Oh, yeah; I ordered room service to arrive when we’re done. That must be them.” So leaving the client covered on the table, I reached over and opened the door wide.  The room service attendant started moving forward then looked up and must have been completely shocked by seeing a person on a massage table right in front of him.  He lurched forward pushing the room service cart into motion but then quickly recoiled back grabbing the cart. Unfortunately the food already had momentum and slid right off the cart mostly landing on my client.  Client, with legs now covered in hamburger, fries, mustard, drinks sat up cussing.  Massage was over.

5. Allergy Season

Oak pollen bloom in the spring is a challenge for people with allergies.  Often during this season, I’m sneezing, sniffling, coughing, watery-eyed; I’m just a drippy mess.  Most clients are gracious and understanding.  One day, I was having especially strong symptoms that included a running nose that would not stop. Remembering that one of my LMT friends recommended leaving tissues stuffed up the nostrils in this situation, I did just that while the client was lying face down. I forgot about the floppy tissues hanging out of each nostril, and asked the client to turn over. Unfortunately, he opened his eyes as soon as he was on his back and gasped in horror. Only then did I remember the tissues hanging out of both sides of my nose. He jokingly asked if he smelled that bad. We both had a good laugh.

6. Warm and Cozy

Nothing creates coziness during a massage better than a heated table.  After years of hard use including being stepped on, yanked on, spilled on and generally abused; my massage table warmer gave up its life in a most spectacular way.  About half way into an intensely relaxing massage when my client was completely zoned out, face down on the table, I noticed goosebumps and offered to ’turn some heat on on the table’. The instant it touched the outlet, the table heater plug burst into flames burning the cord clean off with a spark of electricity and a plume of smoke. I yelped a little, jumped back, grabbed a spa towel to smother the flames; then sighed deeply, covered the client in a blanket, and kept going.  The client never mentioned a thing.

7. Stop, Thief!

Lastly, I do regular housecall massages at a home with rambunctious dogs. I love dogs, so it’s usually a treat to see them. We generally set up the table in the office closed off from the rest of the house.  One day, I must not have latched the door fully when starting the massage. About 30 minutes in to the session what sounded like a thundering herd of elephants approached. Next thing I knew, the door slammed open. Then into the room galloped one dog chasing the other. They slid under the table, skidding and pulling off the top sheet. Then with the top sheet that must have gotten stuck in a collar and wrapped around one of the dogs, they took off back across the house. For a microsecond, I stood there stunned just trying to figure out what the heck just happened, but then I noticed my poor client agitated at the dogs and lying there completely uncovered and unclothed. Not spying anything else suitable in the room, I covered him with my scarf (those of you for whom I do house calls now know why I always wear my trusty scarf to your homes). I heard his wife yelling at the dogs across the house, so I just latched the door and we continued on. 

Massage Therapists strive to create a perfectly serene environment for your sessions; and trust me when I say, it never is. We learn to roll with whatever comes along and try to give our clients the best experience possible. And when things derail, luckily there’s usually laughter. 

Happy New Year, and may our 2025 be filled with laughter and ease and MORE MASSAGE!

Cheers,

Suzanne

(p.s. if you have any recommendations for funny books, movies, shows, videos, etc. please send them over. I'm trying to compile an emergency list of funny things)